A Promise for 2019

 

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Last year I was tempted to write a blog post about why I don’t do New Year resolutions. It’s mainly because sometimes when I set goals, especially time sensitive ones, I find it puts added pressure on me to complete, taking away some of the pleasure and taking short cuts. However I decided to write this based on a Facebook post I wrote for Christmas Eve.
You see a couple of weeks ago I received some bad news. Someone I knew had died. Someone I had once been close to many years ago but had moved away from. Recently we had reconnected on a friendship level, had meet up for a drink and a catch up. It was planned to do so again before Christmas and a date was set which, due to some selfishness on my part, I pulled out of. Maybe unsurprisingly I didn’t hear from my friend and had planned to rearrange for the 22nd. However that week I saw on Facebook she had died. I was shocked. It was out of the blue. It’s not the first time it has happened, many years ago another friend of ours also died suddenly.
But this time it felt different because this time there was a level of guilt. Because I was due to meet up with her and didn’t I missed that chance and now there is no second chance. So in my Facebook post I wrote about how we should always try to make time for the people who are important to you. Don’t put off that meet up or chat thinking I’ll get around to it in a week or so. Because you’ll never know when that chance might be taken away from you. But that wasn’t my main point of the post.

What I wanted to point out was life can be short and that we should grab it by both hands and just go for it. This is going to be my aim for the New Year. As mentioned there are things I’m working towards. To finish editing my novel and push to get it published as well as continue work on my other novel. To maybe work towards becoming a Drag Artist. Yes I have to find a way to get over my lack of confidence in order to get up on stage and a lot of work to do before I even have the look I want. Hell I even need to find some talent for something. The same as with the Trans issues I have and moving towards HRT. And then there is still the fact I want to get a different job.

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I’m procrastinating. I know this. I have been told this many times by many people over the last couple of years. I may lack confidence but I quit my job and went to Uni and actually got a degree. I went on this very blog from thinking I’d never post an actual photo of myself to one in full make up. And this was after going for a full make over and photoshoot. I need to get out of the comfort zone I’m in. Yes it’s scary and yes I might fail, fall flat on my face and get laughed at. But if I don’t try then I’ll end up wondering what if. A few people have told me not to worry about what people think. Be who you want to be and fuck them. Do what makes you happy.
So firstly to anyone reading, please don’t put your dreams and goals on hold. Work towards them and getting to where you want. But also help those friends of yours that are also struggling to make their dreams come true. Just having that bit of support behind you can make a big difference.
Secondly my own promise because this time next year I want to look back on this post and think yeah I went for it. Maybe I won’t transition but I’m going to head towards that way and see what happens. The same for drag. I need to buckle down and really learn how to do my makeup. To work on more confidence and find a way to try it. And there is a few other things I want to try out. On top of this is my writing. After Misty wanting me to write a review of her drag show (which she loved by the way) I want to do more. I’m going to be doing a review of the photoshoot for Trans living magazine. I want to get more articles and reviews published so it’s another road I’m looking at going down.
So Trans, drag, writing, job. Four main goals as well as a few minor ones and all the time working towards getting more confidence. Finding a way to express myself and who I want to be.
To my friend Elaine, This is my promise. RIP. To any readers. Happy New Year and may it be full of hopes and dreams.

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OMD – AN X-RATED XMAS

“IT’S CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAS.”
And that means one thing. The event I have been looking forward to for months even more then Christmas dinner with my family. Yes it’s time for The Luna Lakes Show.
“Wait, what?……… Oh right. Ok sorry. It’s time for….

MISTY MONIQUE’S OH MY DRAG PRESENTS – AN X-RATED XMAS SHOW

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Back in Cheltenham at the Frog and Fiddle for this amazing show starring five great drag artists. One of the best highlights was that Miss Felicia was added to the line-up after I’d brought my ticket so for me it’s was a case of icing on top of the cake. On top of this Misty actually asked if I was going to write this review as she had loved the last one. I had already planned to but it gave my confidence a great boost to be asked so thanks Misty. We’ll get to the acts in a minute but let’s start at the beginning of the night.
I needed to drop a present off for Miss Felicia, she has been so supportive of me with things over the last year I needed to say thank you. I had hoped to give the present to one of the staff to take through for me. No, Instead I actually got taken backstage where Felicia introduced me to the rest of performers. Suddenly being in the presence of so many artists that I admire, I must admit I got a little tongue tied and probably bright red which is not the best when you have ginger hair. So much for that new confidence. However it was one of the highlights of the night and just a note to future me… ‘If you are ever asked to hang out backstage again do it you bloody moron.’ Anyway back to the show.
Whereas Drag Wars allowed some of the drag artists who were judging the competition a little time to perform it was mainly about finding a new Drag Queen, tonight we got full sets out of the artists involved and Misty had put together a line up where every artist was different to each other. Let’s start with Isabell End, last year’s Drag Wars winner.

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She performed a little at the final of Drag Race but tonight I felt I was seeing the real Isabell End. She is what I would consider a traditional Drag Queen taking us through some familiar Christmas tunes even if the words were different and, how should I put it, not exactly child friendly. Ok they were as blue as the Tardis on my Christmas jumper. And I’ll never be able to look at my R/C Dalek in the same way again after what she did with one on stage tonight. But she got the crowd singing along, was extremely dirty and above all very fun to watch. The first part of her act she was very Kate Bush so it came as no surprise that one of her numbers was Wuthering Heights, a brilliant performance.

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Now let’s talk about my friend, Miss Felicia. Of course I’m going to heap on the praise here but rightly so. When I told her that I’d be writing this review I told her that she would be fabulous tonight and or course I was right. Her style is very much in line with Lady Gaga only with a bit more humour thrown in. Vary adaptable to any hiccups that comes along and very quick with the retorts as well. But she also did two rather nice and meaningful songs that were very personal to her. A slight insight to this performer that it just made my estimation of her raise up a few more notches.

Oedipussi Rex. I just don’t know what to say here. Ok I’ve seen a few drag artists but I have never seen an act like this. The first part of the act was a pseudo magic act, swallowing light up fire wands and blowing glitter over the audience and using fairy lights in a way I’d never imagine. Having travelled all the way from London to do this show I felt we were in for something special and I wasn’t wrong. The barbarian show that she did for her second act was funny, inventive and as far as I know totally original.

So that’s the guest artists out of the way lets go for our two hosts. Of course we have the talented and gorgeous Luna Lakes.

 

At one stage during her act she came up close to me, I felt like a rabbit caught in headlights and I forgot how to breath. She’s hot (literally apparently as Misty says she sweats more than meat on a barbie during a heatwave)
But who can blame her with the amount of energy she puts into her routines dancing around the stage. All joking aside I love her act. She has great comic timing, her lip sync is spot on. Her look is flawless. Luna as a character is so believable. If I could become a drag artist myself I’d probably be in the same vain as Miss Felicia, Isabell End and Msdemeamer. That’s the type of personality I have but in my heart I would love to look and perform just like Luna.

As for the chemistry between Misty and Luna, which I mentioned in the Drag Wars post, it truly is something special to see these two together. If Dec ever follows Ant out of the jungle then these two should be the new hosts of I’m a celebrity. No scratch that. If the rumours of Ru Paul bringing Drag Race to the UK is true let him stay in America and let Misty and Luna host it. Watching her and Luna together performing Santa Baby was definitely high on my list of favourite parts of the night.

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Finally let’s talk about our host then. The equally talented Misty Monique. She has a fantastic presence on the stage weather its introducing the acts or performing and it’s not just down to the outfits she wears. But that’s not the great thing about her. This is the sixth show she has put on this year and three of those would be Drag Wars which in itself must be a phenomenal amount of work. She has to put in so much time and effort into this. Tonight’s show was on the whole amazing. Yes there were a few unrehearsed moments such as the final number of Last Christmas with all five artists. You’d think one of them might actually have known the words to the verses. But really this just added to the fun of the night. Add in a quick lip sync battle between three of the audience about half way through, of which I was too terrified to volunteer then jealous that I didn’t (bear in mind a, I was on soft drinks and b, probably would have emptied the room)
I can’t level one bit of criticism at this show. The audience loved it. I loved it. The atmosphere was great and if I do nothing else this Christmas I don’t care because this was the best thing about Christmas this year. And the artists are so friendly, the nicest people on this planet.
Not only can I not wait for next year’s Christmas show but I can hardly wait until February for Misty’s next show. I’m hooked. Happy Christmas everybody.

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Ok I think that’s good enough, Can I get some free tickets now Misty? Misty? Misty?

Links to these fabulous artists because they deserve recognition. Also I must make a small correction to the above. I have since been informed that Isabell End is also a residential act and not a guest. Which is great cause I’ll get more chance to see her perform again.

https://www.facebook.com/themistymonique/?ref=br_rs

https://www.facebook.com/Miss-Felicia-215562955978/

https://www.facebook.com/delunasional/

https://www.facebook.com/BellEnd17/

https://www.facebook.com/oedipussi.rex.9

 

The Photoshoot

 

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For a couple of months now, still in a bid to discover myself I have been looking into doing a more professional makeover and a photoshoot. After a bit of research I went for Girls are Us situated in Bristol, run by Jenny Wave, a qualified make-up artist.
As she offers both make up lessons or a makeover and photoshoot I was unsure which option to go for. I really need some more help with doing make up but the chance to have a proper makeover to see what was possible was too big to miss and I definitely wanted photos of the day so with a quick conversation with Jenny we went for the latter option. I figured if all went well I could book lessons in the future.
As this was my first time I had no idea what to expect and I admit to being nervous. Jenny however was very friendly and as we chatted over a cup of tea I felt my nervousness quickly dissipating. She was very good at putting me at ease. Jenny is really friendly with a good sense of humour. The tea wasn’t bad either. She gave me a quick tour and then allowed me some time to change into some of the clothes she has. After choosing a nice dress and a pair of shows I fell in love with, and that she was lucky to get back at the end, I was ready. A complement from Jenny on my choice of style really boosted my confidence.
With this done Jenny began on the make-up. This was understandingly a long process which much more time and effort going into it then I had ever done myself. Jenny explained the different processes as she went on. At times there was moments where I had to stay still, something I was very bad at but Jenny has plenty of patience. The worse part was when she had to apply the eyeliner. I have never been able to do this bit myself and am very sensitive around that area. All the time I was sat there I was not allowed to look in the mirror. This was left until the very end.
The result was a bit of a shock as well as amazing. I had an image in my mind on how I look after doing my own makeup. What I saw in that mirror was a completely different person. I was totally lost for words and it was a moment I’ll never forget.

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After this it was time for the photoshoot. That was a lot of fun. Jenny has a room set up for this complete with backdrop and lighting. Several shots were taking from different angles. I also, under direction, was able to try and different poses with Jenny being able to give me tips on what works and what doesn’t. Time flew by with a costume and wig change during the shoot. It just didn’t seem like two hours had really past. We had a quick look at the photos at the end of the session, after I had changed back to my own clothes, and I was pleased with the results. To have more time for photos I elected to travel home without removing the makeup. That in itself was a nervous but freeing experience. It’s not the first time I’ve driven in full make up but not that early in the day and in busy traffic.

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All in all it was not only fun but very eye opening and certainly something I was glad I went through with despite my nervousness. I picked up a lot of tips as well as learnt more about myself. It is an experience I would recommend to anyone thinking about it and I would certainly recommend Jenny.
A few tips then for anyone thinking of booking a session with Jenny.
1) Communication. Make sure she knows what you are after so that the session can be tailored to suit your needs.
2) Enjoyment. You are going to get out what you put in. You’re paying for this time so use it. So remember to enjoy yourself.
3) Deodorant. Use some or take some with you. Jenny does have some on hand but you may prefer your own. It gets warm during the makeover and Jenny has to work very close to you.
4) Anticipation. Definitely don’t be tempted to take a sneak peek during the make-up session. That reveal at the end is an amazing experience by itself.
5) Above all preparation. Make sure you are ready for this. Being clean shaven on the morning of the session is a must. As is taking a memory stick with you in order for Jenny to send you the photos (luckily I had one spare in the car) Taking your own clothes is allowed so make sure you take anything you wish to wear if you have an outfit in mind.

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So after all this did I find what I was looking for? Not quite. As amazing a job Jenny did when I looked in the mirror it didn’t feel like me. I think however this was more down to the wigs, when I wore my short red wig home I felt more like me. But I do want to go back again. I still want the lessons and I do want another photoshoot now I know what to expect. If Jenny is willing I’d love to try out an eighties style look and maybe a bit more on the drag side.

 

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Trans Matters II – The Wrath of Twitter

 

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So recently I’ve been a bit quiet on my blog. Mainly because I’ve been caught up with other things. I revisited my old Twitter account. I’d started one years ago but didn’t get on with it and left it. Now I have several people I’m following and it’s been a good platform for me to interact with trans people and to come a bit more out. My profile pic is my Supergirl one.

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Of course by doing this I have got caught up with much of the ‘debate’ surrounding Trans issues especially in light of the consultation of reforms to the Gender Reform Act regarding self I.D. A move I am in favour of. To be honest I was a bit unprepared for the amount of hate coming from those who not only oppose it but in some cases even oppose Trans women. It is truly horrifying. That is to say that some people opposed to self I.D don’t have reasonable concerns but in many cases are ill informed on the subject.
My own reaction to any attack levelled toward myself is to talk back. Not shout and argue or get into arguments but just to answer back and in many ways in an unexpected and possibly weird way. A trick I learnt from the comedian Joe Lycett. For an example:
Recently I was embroiled on a thread mainly talking about Labour. Of course it wasn’t long before some people who didn’t agree with me changed from bashing Labour to bashing me, attacking me simply from my profile photo. One such individual actually posted ‘Does he really think he’s Supergirl. I want to vomit.’ Now despite my powers of being able to make a woman I’ve never met or spoken to apparently physically sick I know I’m not Supergirl. Now I could have simply told her where to go but I didn’t. Instead I wrote back ‘Of course I don’t think I’m Supergirl’. Followed by this gif.

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Weather it was meant sarcastically of because she was confused or simply she wanted to still try and get a rise out of me her response was. ‘But I guess you want everyone to think you’re a woman.’ Now there is nothing on my Twitter profile that mentions I’m Trans or questioning. I believe I mention that I’m questioning somewhere in the thread but I’m guessing that she hadn’t read this. And at the moment as I am only questioning and that I may only wish to do this in an artist way my response was ‘Personally I don’t give a shit’ followed by how I do want to get better at passing. This was then followed by her giving me make up tips and advice on how to get a better look to pass better as a natural woman. She’d gone from vomiting at the thought of me to trying to help me pass better.
While I take great delight that I managed to turn this women’s viewpoint around and count it as a victory I’m aware that I wasn’t really standing up for Trans rights in this way. It is something I try to do though. Not long after this incident the news came out about Trump trying to effectively erase Trans people. Its timing was also coincidently with the airing of episode three of the new series of Doctor Who, Rosa. (Look if you don’t know about Rosa Parks, go look her up and then come back) One reviewer of the show, who is also genderqueer, mentions that one problem with the episode is it shows no one else standing up for Rosa on the bus. It’s a valid point. Of course the Doctor and friends can’t interfere on this occasion no matter how hard it is for them. But now there is a comparison between then and now and quite rightly as this You Tuber says people do need to stand up for those being discriminated against. It can’t just be down to the victims.

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I had to remind myself of this very recently as some of the hate on Twitter nearly made me give up. A report on a woman, a mother, who abused a twelve year old in America came to light and immediately comments were made on why there was no mention of her being trans, on how it was obvious a male. The usual transphobic crap and do you know what. There was no official mention of this person being trans. Nothing mentioned in reports, just transphobic people deciding that a woman let alone a mother could do this so they changed the facts to fit their narrow minded views. And they say they can always tell. Huh.
Right deep breath.
In many ways the whole Trans thing has reminded me of the X-men graphic novel. God loves, Man kills. I recently dug it out of storage to re-read as events sparked memories of the story line. A story line where there is a movement out to eradicate mutants, such is the hate towards them. There is no attempt to try and understand mutants and the leader of the movement even turns on his most loyal follower when it’s indicated she too might have mutant genes. In the end it’s not only the X-men that stand up for their rights but one solitary police officer doing what is right, protecting one young mutant when she is threatened.

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It’s not the only X-men comparison I’ve made. Two weeks previous to writing this I tweeted about how maybe there should be a registration of Trans people so they can be policed before pointing out this was a plot of the X-men which didn’t work out so well in the end. It was a joke showing how absurd the idea is and yet this week the idea of a register was suggested. It is truly scary times we live in and I fear for those people across the pond. Certainly the X-men comics contains at its core the issues of hate against a minority. Currently the new season of Supergirl is also dealing with these kinds of issues, using aliens as its metaphor. They have also added a new transgender character. Hopefully a positive step in the right direction.
So regardless of what I decided about myself. Regardless of how I ‘protect’ myself on Twitter I will continue to stand up and fight for people’s right to be accepted for who they are. Rosa reinforced that in me and indeed the Doctor in general. In doing so I rewatched the twelfth Doctor’s speech to the Master and Missy. Because fighting a battle (even on Twitter) is not about winning, it’s not about beating somebody. It’s definitely not because it’s easy. It’s because it’s right and above all its kind. It’s just kind.

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Drag Wars 2018

 

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So recently I found myself back in my old university town of Cheltenham when I attended two out of the three shows of Drag Wars 2018 completion. Unfortunately I was unable to go to heat one due to being at Pride. This was the first Drag Wars I’ve attended, or any drag competition to be honest. The competition is a spin off from, Felicia’s Drag Race, done by my friend, Miss Felicia. The competition is run by Misty Monique. A Drag Queen with a unique and literally out of this world look who won Drag Race in 2015.

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So heat two consisted of serval acts for whom we had to use our tickets to vote for. To be fair every act was not only good but very different to each other. Some were just a bit weaker than others. Among them one shone out to me, Ophelia Cox, Gloucester’s youngest Drag Queen. A fantastic act with a few little tricks up her sleeve (or more to the point down her dress) and she has a great classy look. I was definitely impressed by her style and I loved the dress she was wearing. I was able to talk to her afterwards to find out the make and where to get one from. (Which I promptly did with a view of doing a Jessica Rabbit style photo set sometime soon.) So that was one of my votes used before I even saw the rest.

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Another of my votes went to Hevvi Flo, young, energetic, memorising. The show she put on was like nothing I’d seen before. The moves that she did on stage was amazing. It was clear early on that she was definitely a favourite to go through to the next round. The judges voted highly of her.
My third and final vote was harder to cast. I was torn between a few of the acts. True I could have cast a second vote for Ophelia but felt I should spread my vote. In the end my final vote went to Semi Colon, a woman that not only gave a good show but put across a message about accepting yourself. Ultimately and rightly (IMO) it was Ophelia and Hevvi Flo that went through to the final.
So a few weeks later I find myself back to watch the final. Sadly Hevvi Flo had to pull out beforehand due to illness, a shame as she was a favourite to win. There was also an act brought back, Astro, from heat one, who gave an enjoyable performance. Ophelia gave another good performance although it felt a little less snazzy then the first. There were still a few surprises in her performance however.
They were followed by the two winners from heat one, Ravenna Slayshon and Sage. For me personally Sage didn’t hit the right spot for me but the act was good and very emotional. You could tell it was very personal and I couldn’t fault it. Then there was Ravenna. Wow. This Queen knew how to put on a show. Dragged to the stage on a blanket pulled by four guys who then helped lift her up onto stage it was an amazing performance. For a little pub in Cheltenham it was almost like a show by Madonna or Gaga in a stadium. Her performance was faultless. Sadly, for me, her performance was overshadowed by a rather large and very vocal fan base.
So when it came to voting it was a no brainer. All three of my votes went to Ophelia Cox. Sadly however it was Sage and Ravenna who were the clear winners going thorough to the final stage of the competition. This then left me with a dilemma as it was hard to choose who to vote for in this round. Both were very good. Both deserved the vote. I held off for most of the voting time but eventually (maybe wrongly) my mind was made up by Ravenna’s own fans. Their antics and attitude towards the other acts had annoyed me and so Sage got my vote. Ultimately though Ravenna was the winner and to be fair she is going to be fantastic but hopefully many of the other acts I saw will go on to have great success. They certainly deserve it.
So that was Drag Wars 2018 and I loved it and look forward to Drag Wars 2019. There was an incredible atmosphere at both shows, and presumably heat one, with the place packed out. The final finished with the acts, judges and hosts performing Lady Marmalade. A fitting show stopper.
Already I have tickets for Misty Monique’s next show at Christmas, Oh my Drag – An X-rated Xmas.

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It’s going to be amazing and I’m looking forward to because like Drag Wars it will feature a Drag Queen who has become one of my favourites. No not one of the acts but Luna Lakes, Misty’s cohort and pre show host. She performed for the opening of the shows as well as throughout and was brilliant. Ok, I’m happy to admit I may just have a little crush on her. Her look is amazing as well as the persona and she just blew me away. The interactions between here and Misty make for a great double act. Even a live Facebook feed that they did together out of drag just shows how much chemistry these two have.
So not only did I enjoy the show but it’s also made me question even more where I want to go with myself. I’m still not sure if I’m Trans or just enjoy becoming female for a little time in an artistic way to take photos. I do want to get better with both my look and how I model myself in the photos. At present out of two hundred photos maybe only five or six I’m happy with. It may well be that I could be happy in doing drag. I already have a stage name in my head. Cherry Ade, cool yeah? (Well I like it). So this is something I’m going to look into. It’s not the first time I’ve considered it. Many years ago when in College I thought about doing drag but never did. Drag Wars has certainly proven inspirational.
So I have plans to get some professional help with make-up and to talk with Miss Felicia for some tips and I’ll see where I go. I’d love to have a look like Luna and Ophelia, except unfortunately older. Maybe sometime it’ll be me up there on stage trying to impress the judges and the audience without fainting. And I don’t think I’d even be that worried about winning. I’d just love to have the courage to have a go and hopefully not suck. All I’ve got to do is develop some talent first and judging by the acts I saw I’ll have some hard work ahead of me.

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Photos of Ophelia Cox and Misty Monique used with kind permission. Links to their Facebook site below.

https://www.facebook.com/themistymonique/?ref=br_rs

https://www.facebook.com/pg/TheOpheliaCox/services/?ref=page_internal

Plus links to Miss Felicia and Luna Lakes

https://www.facebook.com/Miss-Felicia-215562955978/

https://www.facebook.com/delunasional/

 

 

 

 

 

Who Am I

 

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So recently in circle we were asked to tell the rest of the group who we were, to describe ourselves briefly. Thinking back on this later I realised that A) I could have brought out more about myself then I reviled but sadly my anxiety got the better of me and I forgot some of what I wanted to say. B) I could have talked for a good half hour then the min or two we had.
I started off that night saying something I have said before. That if everyone I’ve known came to my funeral they would have different views on who I was. They would sit there and describe me in different ways. Yes there may be a few common things. That I always tried to be there for people, that I was able to take whatever banter was thrown my way. But there would be so many things reviled that others wouldn’t have known. So many more sides to my character.

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I’ve suffered from depression on and off for years. I’ve thought of suicide and I’ve self-harmed in the past. I’ve questioned my gender, my sanity and my place in the world. Why am I here? What is my purpose? Who the hell am I?
Over the years I’ve studied psychology, philosophy, religion, mediumship, life coaching etc etc in a lifelong quest to figure things out and to find answers. Often the answers have led to even more questions. Sometimes they have led to me pushing myself in directions I never thought my life would take.

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Those poor people sitting there reminiscing about my life, remembering me. “Happy go lucky.” “Carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.” “Lots of friends, very outgoing.” “Loner, secluded, kept himself to himself.” Hell even my hair colour isn’t consistent. Ginger, blond, brown, red. What chance have they got getting to the real me?
I use to be someone who would post uplifting inspiration quotes on Facebook, The last few years have found me in a slightly more cynical frame of mind. However many of the quotes I’ve used over the year in my blog are ones that have spoken personally to me. Maybe I should get back to posting such things. Not only do they reinforce those ideas into my own mind but they allow others a little insight to myself. A little glimpse of things I believe. I’m certainly not the same person I was twenty years ago. Or ten, five or even two.
I would like to think, at that wake that people would not so much be mourning my lost but celebrating my life. Recalling many stories about me as they do. I like to think I’ve had an interesting life. It’s not all been plan sailing. There have been a lot of hard times that I’ve had to overcome. Walls thrown up in my way. It’s not always gone the way I would have liked and there are regrets, missed opportunities and things I would love to be able to do differently. But I’ve also been a student, been to uni, got a degree and spent many hours with friends in the SU bar getting drunk. I’ve been Captain of my skittle team, trying to get high scores and having a laugh whilst getting drunk. Been out clubbing, (badly) dancing up on the dancefloor whilst getting drunk.

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I’ve been a paranormal investigator, walking around derelict buildings in the dead of night waiting for something unnatural to happen and usually wishing I was drunk. I’ve studied martial arts, mediumship and creative writing. I’ve wrote a novel (and will hopefully get that and others published before my end), marched at Pride. And there is so much more I want to do.
Three things occur to me. 1. There has been a lot of alcohol in my life. No doubt the character of Bernice Summerfield has had a bigger influence on my life then I thought. 2. I have done a lot so far and meet so many wonderful people over the years. Some have disappeared into the past although I’d like to think they know I’d still be there for them if they needed me.
3. That it would be impossible to pin down my entire life. I have secrets even more than those I’ve reviled here. And how can anyone out there really know me when I still don’t know myself who I am? It’s a question that I may never get the answer for but it has led to many adventures trying to find out and I hope for many more. It’s one of the reasons I’ve never found myself able to settle down. I’ve always wanted more, to get on to the next thing and experience something new. Had I settled down with my girlfriend a few years ago I’d never have found time to write my novel and I wouldn’t have spent the weekend dancing in a gay nightclub with friends in Cardiff. But had I not been in that relationship at that time I wouldn’t have got my degree.
I’d like to think overall those people will be thinking fondly of me as a friend, a confidant, a hard worker and a good person. A shoulder to cry on, a helping hand or someone to dance the night away with. I’ve been told I’ve been thought of by people as lovely or sweet.
Student, paranormal investigator, transgender, writer and consumer of alcoholic beverages. What else might be added to that list before I’m finished? What more stories can I provide for people to remember me by?

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Pride Cyrmu

 

pride

 

Ok it’s been a little while since the last post, I’ve been having a bit of a rest as well as working solidly for the last eight months. I now have a week off to give chance to recover, build back up my energies and get back on top of things. And I’ve started my time off in style.
Yes I have finally done it. I’ve been to my first proper Pride festival. Yes I know there is a previous blog post somewhere near the start of this blog where I went to a Pride event but that was just a couple of hours in a club watching a few acts.
This was the full Monty. By staying in a B & B Friday and Saturday night I was able to completely enjoy my time. Firstly I took part in the parade through the streets of Cardiff. To begin with I was very nervous, not knowing what to expect but that soon disappeared amongst the cheering of the marchers and the crowds that lined the street. There was something about being in the middle of that crowd of people showing my support for others as well as feeling accepted by those around me.

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There were just hundreds of people in that march. I don’t think I’ve ever been a part of something so big in my life.
Then there was the festival itself. Three separate stages with acts. Luckily I had a couple of friends who invited me to join them and their group which really helped me to relax more. It was definitely more enjoyable sharing the experience with others then being just on my own and through them I also made some new friends. The place itself was packed with people, full of different diversities. Although I had gone as my normal self I left with the feeling that here I could have been who I wanted to be without any judgement or embarrassment. My friend was in drag as it was, as they are a locally famous drag artist.
As an added bonus towards the end of the evening my friends decided to take me clubbing around the gay scene in Cardiff and so it was that I found myself, glitter over my face dancing upon the dance floor in a nightclub as it turned midnight, ending one of the best days I have had for a while.
I left wanting more. I want to go back next year, I want to try Brighton. There is a more local Pride weekend near me soon which I might attend although I also have ticket for Drag Wars that night so we’ll see. But it was an amazing experience. I arrived back home on Sunday tired but happy with a feeling of disappointment that it was over.

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