Changes

 

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Everything changes. No I’m not talking about the first episode of Torchwood or the song by Take That. No I’m talking about in life. It’s like one of life’s certainties like death. For much of my life I have hated change. I have fought against it, had anxiety over it or got angry when changes are forced on me. This is at times when my life is going great. I loved the job I had at Somerfield’s until it got closed down. I’ve had close friends, spending time hanging out with them worrying about losing them only for this self-fulfilling prophecy to eventually come true.
Nowadays I try to have a more different view towards change. It was something I had to come to terms with in uni. I loved being a student, going to lectures and hanging out with fellow students in the SU bar drinking Snakebites. But I always knew it was temporary and that I would have no choice in when it ended. Three years and that’s it. With this time limit I learned to savour every moment I could out of my time there. I still have times when I miss things or people from my past, sometimes so much it hurts but at the same time when changes have happened they have always lead to something new in my life.
Had I not been made redundant I wouldn’t have got a job where I’d meet someone who’d not only turn out to be a great friend but got me into ghost hunting and was the one who suggested that I go back to college which eventually lead to going to uni. Many times changes have brought new experiences into my life.
I shouldn’t be surprised. That change can be good is something I learned very early on. Deep Space Nine had a character, Jadzia Dax, who was joined with a symbiont who had already lived seven lifetimes. In one episode I remember watching as a kid she talks about how each change is good because it leads to new experiences. That has always stuck in my mind.

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But even more so I’m a Doctor Who fan, a show where the lead character has changed faces and personalities twelve times and had companions and friends that have come and gone over the years. In my life I’ve been like the tenth Doctor, resisted to change, raging against it and haunted by those words. “I don’t want to go.” But his incarnation is an exception. As the second Doctor commented just after his regeneration that “Life depends upon change. Even more so there is the eleventh Doctor’s final speech.
Recently I was given a sudden and upsetting reminder of my past about a friend of mine that died young a long time ago. I could remember where she lived, I remembered where I was when I got the message that she had died but for the life of me I could not remember her name and that was what got to me. Thankfully it came back to me a couple of hours later and an important part of my life was returned to me.
So yeah I must remember my past, who I was, the things that I have done. All the things that have happened to me good and bad because among other things it shows that I always survive change and many times it leads to something new and exciting. And there may even be some indications that changes are coming my way. We did Tarot cards in circle this week. I’ve always loved Tarot and have many decks. Anyway I got a reading from someone which indicated some new things coming into my life including possibly a woman. Now obviously I can take that indication in two different ways but even so I left that night feeling very positive about the future.
Changes are a coming. Prepare yourself, embrace it, hold on tight and go with the flow. You never know what’s around the corner.

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