Ok, not fully but a little while ago I announced of Facebook that I was Bisexual. For many it probably didn’t come as much of a surprise. In recent years I’ve been quite open about who I was although to what extent was only shared with a few trusted people. So it may have been possible that some were unsure, or thought I was joking.
I didn’t really need to put it on Facebook, indeed I debated with myself for a while as to put weather I was Bisexual or pansexual. I could count myself as either, but for the most part I felt Bisexual was easier just because of the level of understanding I know some of my friend are at. I didn’t want questions on it. I didn’t want to get caught up in discussions of what pan sexual is and the difference between the two and how does it involve pans?
No the reason I put it on Facebook apart from finally clearing up any confusions anyone may have had about me was twofold. Firstly because I was fed up of watching what I posted on there. Not so much personal stuff but images, jokes etc. If I wanted to comment on a photo of Lucifer about how hot he is I would stop myself. Not because I wanted to protect myself from being questioned on my sexuality but because I was worried about how people would take it. Whether they would be left wondering. True it wouldn’t really be any of their business and I shouldn’t worry about what people think but there was just something that didn’t feel right to me. And this was the second reason I posted it.
For myself. Not just so I could make comments and post anything I wanted but just to feel like myself. It was my way of saying to my world that “hey this is me, like it or lump it.” I was owning my sexuality. It wasn’t being guessed at or assumed. It was me saying this is what it is.
And it felt good. It felt freeing. There was an element of fear there before I posted. I thought about it for a couple of weeks. But it felt so good to do it. I’d been doing it on twitter for the last couple of years but no one on there were actual physical friends. People I knew in my life.
And then the notifications and comments started to come in. Likes, loves, comments of well done, so proud and be yourself. Each one helping to validate me, made me feel better. Some even commenting “about time”. It’s amazing how many people seemed to know about me before I really did.
There was also another point to me coming out as bisexual. A little thing I put at the bottom of the post, 1/2. No one commented on it. They’ve didn’t ask what it meant. And for those who might know, still nothing. One of two. The first post out of two. There is another post to come sometime in the future, some other revelation.
Because it was also a test run. To see how people reacted. My friend Ashley wanted me to fully come out on Facebook along with the photos I’ve had done. Personally I wasn’t ready for that. It would be like ripping a band aid straight off. This way I’m was slowly teasing it off. Plus I’m still wasn’t sure where I stood with being genderfliud.
I’m also aware that there is a difference between announcing your sexuality and announcing your gender. It’s a big step to take and I’m trying to make it a little bit smaller before announcing anything else about me to the world.
But sometimes fate takes a hand in things. Maybe it was because I was at Pride that weekend or maybe deep down I was just looking for a way to come out further, I don’t know. However when a friend of mine posted on Facebook about how his daughter was trying to raise money for charity and not getting far, could his friends help I did. I donated a bit of money. But there were very few others that did the same. My friend of course was disappointed. He is someone who in the past has gone out of his way to help others.
I did the only thing I could think of to help him and in a way help me. I messaged him.
“If you don’t get many donations by Friday let me know. I may have a way to help.”
Friday came and the total hadn’t moved much. I checked in with my friend. Still disappointed.
Deep breath I posted on Facebook about my friend’s daughter raising money. I posted the link to donate. Then I made a promise.
“If any of my friends donate and we can get near the total needed by Monday then I will post, for the first time on Facebook, a photo of me in drag.”
It sort of worked. A couple of people donated, one commenting just to see me in drag. Maybe they was expecting some half assed photo with just me in a dress. Monday came. The total hadn’t been reached, I could have backed out, but I didn’t. This was an opportunity and I’ve learnt now to take those when they come up. And so the photo was posted.
And the response, like the bi sexual post was again overwhelmingly positive. A lot of compliments. And a big thanks from my friend to whom it meant so much. Within a couple more days the total was smashed and I felt great. I’d helped a friend and had presented myself, or to a degree Cherry Ade to my world.
I now have a Facebook page going for that persona and have had a few friend requests. The futures bright, the futures rainbow.