A look back at 2019

So at the end of 2018 I posted a promise to myself for 2019. Now it’s time to look back at 2019 and see if I lived up to that promise.
Well for the most part I’m happy with how the year has gone. I’ve worked towards becoming a drag artist, practising my look. I’ve posted photos of myself online as well as creating a Facebook page for Cherry Ade. I’ve also had chance to work behind the scenes at a couple of drag shows which have given me some insight to being a drag artist.
On top of this I have done a couple of burlesque lessons and have been working towards doing burlesque as a drag artist. Furthermore I’ve really enjoyed these courses as well as doing some others such as pole. Finishing this year I felt more satisfied with how the year had gone then the previous year. It really feels as if I’ve accomplished things. Coming out as both Bi sexual and a Drag Artist on Facebook and therefore with people

who know me has given me a better sense of freedom and the support I’ve had from so many friends has been great and really raised my self-esteem.

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Not everything on my list was done though. My novel still hasn’t been published and although I’ve made some enquires towards doing so it’s kind of sat on the back burner for now. Likewise my other novel has come to a stop. The closing of my favourite café where I used to write hasn’t helped. As for the blog although I’ve written a few pieces throughout the year it’s not as much as I’d like. I also unfortunately still have the same job, things have got better there but it’s still not what I want to be doing.
So what about 2020. Well the drag thing is going ok and my main goal for this year si to put together and perform a routine at a showcase in May, so that is my main goal to concentrate on for now. I’m also hoping working on a few more drag shows will present themselves in the coming year. I do want to still work towards getting my finished novel published. I do want to get back to doing more blog posts. I’m planning on maybe doing them in batches working around the subjects of me as a drag artist, some more LGTB stuff. Doctor who and maybe some other topic thrown in as well.
As for the job, well I’d like something else to come along so we will see. At the moment I’m happy with how things are going. There is still a long way to go towards some things but I feel more hopeful about the future.

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Happy 2020 everyone.

A Promise for 2019

 

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Last year I was tempted to write a blog post about why I don’t do New Year resolutions. It’s mainly because sometimes when I set goals, especially time sensitive ones, I find it puts added pressure on me to complete, taking away some of the pleasure and taking short cuts. However I decided to write this based on a Facebook post I wrote for Christmas Eve.
You see a couple of weeks ago I received some bad news. Someone I knew had died. Someone I had once been close to many years ago but had moved away from. Recently we had reconnected on a friendship level, had meet up for a drink and a catch up. It was planned to do so again before Christmas and a date was set which, due to some selfishness on my part, I pulled out of. Maybe unsurprisingly I didn’t hear from my friend and had planned to rearrange for the 22nd. However that week I saw on Facebook she had died. I was shocked. It was out of the blue. It’s not the first time it has happened, many years ago another friend of ours also died suddenly.
But this time it felt different because this time there was a level of guilt. Because I was due to meet up with her and didn’t I missed that chance and now there is no second chance. So in my Facebook post I wrote about how we should always try to make time for the people who are important to you. Don’t put off that meet up or chat thinking I’ll get around to it in a week or so. Because you’ll never know when that chance might be taken away from you. But that wasn’t my main point of the post.

What I wanted to point out was life can be short and that we should grab it by both hands and just go for it. This is going to be my aim for the New Year. As mentioned there are things I’m working towards. To finish editing my novel and push to get it published as well as continue work on my other novel. To maybe work towards becoming a Drag Artist. Yes I have to find a way to get over my lack of confidence in order to get up on stage and a lot of work to do before I even have the look I want. Hell I even need to find some talent for something. The same as with the Trans issues I have and moving towards HRT. And then there is still the fact I want to get a different job.

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I’m procrastinating. I know this. I have been told this many times by many people over the last couple of years. I may lack confidence but I quit my job and went to Uni and actually got a degree. I went on this very blog from thinking I’d never post an actual photo of myself to one in full make up. And this was after going for a full make over and photoshoot. I need to get out of the comfort zone I’m in. Yes it’s scary and yes I might fail, fall flat on my face and get laughed at. But if I don’t try then I’ll end up wondering what if. A few people have told me not to worry about what people think. Be who you want to be and fuck them. Do what makes you happy.
So firstly to anyone reading, please don’t put your dreams and goals on hold. Work towards them and getting to where you want. But also help those friends of yours that are also struggling to make their dreams come true. Just having that bit of support behind you can make a big difference.
Secondly my own promise because this time next year I want to look back on this post and think yeah I went for it. Maybe I won’t transition but I’m going to head towards that way and see what happens. The same for drag. I need to buckle down and really learn how to do my makeup. To work on more confidence and find a way to try it. And there is a few other things I want to try out. On top of this is my writing. After Misty wanting me to write a review of her drag show (which she loved by the way) I want to do more. I’m going to be doing a review of the photoshoot for Trans living magazine. I want to get more articles and reviews published so it’s another road I’m looking at going down.
So Trans, drag, writing, job. Four main goals as well as a few minor ones and all the time working towards getting more confidence. Finding a way to express myself and who I want to be.
To my friend Elaine, This is my promise. RIP. To any readers. Happy New Year and may it be full of hopes and dreams.

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