So a few weeks ago I’m speaking to one of my best friends. She’s the one that got me into ghost hunting as well as mediumship. Her husband, who is a medium, was starting up a new open circle in my town and she suggested I should come along. For me the idea was good on two fronts. 1. Because it would help me get out and socialise more which I really need to do and which would help with my anxiety (hopefully) and 2. Because I use to do circle years ago and kind of wanted to try it again.
For those of you reading that’s not sure what a circle is, it is not a group of us sat in a circle on the floor chanting while candles burn around us in the dark. A circle when it comes to mediumship is simply a group of us sat on chairs in a circle trying to develop our medium skills. So this involves learning to talk to spirits, guides etc. A closed circle is simply a closed group of people while an open circle means anyone can come along.
So far it’s been both interesting and helpful. As I mentioned I’d done spiritual work many years before and I think (judged on feedback) that I was developing quite well, to the point where the woman running the circle thought I’d be ready to go up on stage. Unfortunately due to circumstances at the time I had to take time out from it and sadly never went back.
So now I have a chance to try again. For me the reason for doing it as much as I do like helping people is because I want to explore myself. I’ve always felt I’ve been on a personal voyage of discovery. Why I am like I am? What is my potential? Where do I fit in in this world? And of course having the skills to communicate with the dead is rather Jedi-ish.
But the other up side of this is I get to see one of my best friends every week and chat as well as a couple of other people in the group. I’m still slightly shy around the ones I don’t know yet but it’s a friendly bunch and we have a good laugh along the way. My Facebook page has almost had daily requests lately for friend requests from other members in the group.
So far over the last few weeks we dealt with the introductions and practised some meditation, looked at how we might read people, working with colours and emotions and looked at spirit guides. Also we have all given a little mini reading to someone else in the group. Mine hasn’t really been that much but I’ve had something to give which is nice even if my heart is beating like hell from having to do so. With luck confidence will come in time.
And for those reading this and thinking ‘well it’s all bollocks isn’t it’. If you are then why are you reading this? Especially if you’ve got this far. But I’m not judgemental. While I believe it is possible to communicate with the deceased and that we have guides I do doubt my own abilities. As I give readings both now and in the past I’m always thinking am I just making this up? But so far everyone I’ve read for has taken what I’ve said (unless they’re just being kind) So I look forward to being able to keep this blog updated with how I’m coming on, any interesting things that come up and maybe even some of the things I’ve learnt.
And then there is also the part about overcoming my anxiety. Socialising with strangers is a little step for me, done it plenty of times before and it doesn’t take me long to settle in. Putting myself in the spotlight with ten or more people watching me is a larger step. One I know I can do but it just pushes me just that little bit more. Then there is expressing myself bit by bit among this group. This is more than just developing myself spiritually. This is in front of people I don’t know and in front of people I have known for years. If I can develop the confidence to do readings for people with others watching me then hopefully I’ll develop confidence in other areas. And this may even, for better or worse, come around quicker than I would have thought.
When I posted on Facebook recently about how I’d finally finished editing my novel and ready to print off for some people to read, she commented yes please. Given that the nature of the novel is rather personal to me this is a big thing for me. I initially ignored it but she mentioned it again at circle this week. There was no way of avoiding it. I had to do a quick edit for her copy as one of the characters is named and based after her and given that that character is involved in a sex scene I’d better change the name. But hopefully she’ll be opened minded to the contents of the story when she reads it. In a way putting this novel out there is a little bit like coming out so it is nerve wracking. Anything to do with hinting at my alternative lifestyle is nerve wracking.
This week we worked on Psychometry. That where you hold an object (that we had brought in) and try to connect with it. To tap into the history of the object and get a reading from it. I’ll admit it wasn’t my specialist subject and I didn’t get anything right.
Interestingly though we had also been asked to bring a red herring in as well and with the above in mind I took in a neck choker that I’d brought last year but couldn’t really wear as it was too tight. When it was picked from the tray by one of the circle I felt a little guilty that they wouldn’t get anything from it or if they did I’d have to tell them how they were wrong. My heart was beating throughout not only from the guilt but because of having to own up to the object. Surprisingly though many of the things she did come up with I could actually take. Of course I had to admit to owning the item in the end but if the group thought there was anything strange in this it wasn’t mentioned. Of course when my friend starts reading the book little things like the neck choker might clue her in.
Still I believe the universe or the force has a way of working things out so maybe this is how things are meant to go? Maybe something will come through for me that will give me some insight. If anyone is listening, Can I get a sign please?